Success in marriage hinges on consistent performance of six key habits.

by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.
http://www.aish.com/


HABIT #1 - GIVE EACH OTHER PLEASURE




Happily married couples are committed to the goal of giving each other pleasure. You must stay focused on the ultimate goal -- which is to give each other pleasure and not cause pain. It sounds simple enough, but can be very hard in practice.



For just one day, try to maintain a consciousness with everything you do, by asking yourself, "Is what I'm about to do or say going to cause my spouse pain or pleasure?"



To monitor how you're doing, each of you should make two lists: One for all the things your spouse does to cause you pain, and another which identifies what you would like your spouse to do to give you pleasure. Swap lists, and now you know exactly what to do and what not to do. No more mind reading!



HABIT #2 - CREATE MUTUALLY SATISFYING LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP RITUALS



Rituals are habits that build and strengthen a relationship.


Our actions affect the way we feel. How are your greeting and good-bye rituals?



Here are some rituals you and your spouse should consider working on:



* Daily e-mailing each other with a compliment.



* Daily phone call. (especially important for husbands to do)



* Anniversaries deserve special attention. Plan to do something both of you really enjoy, rather than feeling stuck two days before your anniversary arrives and then running out to get some flowers.



* Before you turn in for the night, try saying two compliments to each other. This means coming up with something new each night!



* It is essential to have a "date night" at least every other week.



HABIT #3 - CREATE A SAFE PLACE TO DISCUSS ISSUES OPENLY AND HONESTLY



Abusive relationships are ones in which you are afraid to express feelings and opinions. Happily married couples create a sense of safety that allows each person to feel comfortable expressing his/her feelings, problems, and dissatisfactions. This sense of safety is the foundation upon which a couple negotiates things that are bothering them.



It's common for each person to come into a relationship with certain expectations about how things will be. But without the ability to communicate and negotiate, these issues become sources for power struggles that almost always damage the relationship.

How to Strengthen a Marriage on Valentine's Day

By eHow Contributing Writer
www.ehow.com

Valentine's Day most often highlights new love: first dates, boyfriends and girlfriends and engaged couples. Young puppy love is fresh and exciting, but let's not forget about those married couples. After being together for so long, they are certainly deserving of their share of Cupid's romance. Here's how to keep that married love alive every February 14th.



Instructions

Learning friendship in marriage

                          www.essortment.com 
There are ways to tell whether or not there is friendship in your marriage. Begin learning the keys to closeness.


Sure, you are your husband's wife, but are you his best friend? You should be. Sure, we need other friends outside the marriage, of the same sex. You need your girlfriends to talk about knitting and soap operas and yoga and the price of bananas, and he needs his buds to talk about the big game and the new engine and the time he almost punched that guy in the mouth for looking at his wife, but you should be his best friend, without a doubt. Best friends are always there. Best friends are there in the good AND in the bad, unlike other "friends".






There are ways to tell whether or not there is friendship in your marriage. Friendship is the foundation of a good marriage. Here are the keys to closeness.

Don’t Take It For Granted

by Tara Pringle Jefferson




After you’ve been married for a while, it’s easy for things that used to be extraordinary to become ho-hum. The same gestures that had your heart skip a beat now elicit nothing more than a sideways glance.



It’s important that you keep the appreciation flowing. Take time to encourage your partner. Express your gratitude. Show them how much the little things still mean to you. It all goes a long way in never taking your partner for granted. I’ve been trying to work on this lately. The stress of, well, everyday life has been getting to us and the love that once seemed to take precedence over everything else gets lost in the shuffle of doctor’s appointments, rush-hour traffic, burnt dinner and late nights working on side projects. It is precisely when I feel that nothing else will fit on my plate that I need to take the time to make my husband feel like he is even more important to me. Because without him, I wouldn’t be able to accomplish half the things I do in my daily life.



I vow to never take for granted the fact that he:



Lets me flip through the channels during commercial breaks, and even when he knows the game is back on, he doesn’t rush me back to the channel he was watching.



Always gives me a big smile and says, “This looks delicious, honey,” every night before we eat dinner.



Keeps the kids laughing and playing while I get work done.



Pitches in with his fair share of the housework.



Makes several of my favorite dishes on request, even though he hates cooking.



 What are some things you vow not to take for granted with your spouse?

Who Influences Your Marriage??

www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com

A marriage is only as strong as the influences each spouse allows to speak directly into their lives.  I’ve heard it all this week:  a mother-in-law telling her son that his wife is no good; a close family friend telling a couple their marriage would not last; a brother or sister telling a sibling that they are better than their spouse, and it’s time to leave.

 

Don’t get me wrong:  in the case of abuse or endangerment of the children, I understand such thoughts.  But what of those people in our lives that are miserable, and would like nothing more than to have company?  It’s up to us to ensure that the people we allow to influence our marriage have our marriage’s best interests at heart.  It’s difficult to find such influential people, but here are some characteristics that can give you a good clue as to whether or not they can be entrusted with the inner workings of your marriage:

• They do not placate or enable you just because they love you. 
• They are objective and unbiased, regardless of what has been said or done within the relationship.
• They are committed to telling you the truth, no matter how difficult it may be to hear it.
• They have come through their own marital storms victoriously.
• They know both you and your spouse, and want what is best for your family unit, not just the individual pieces.
• They do what they say they will do, especially when it comes to prayer.
  

As I stated earlier, misery loves company.  There are some people who are addicted to drama, and when the trials in their own lives aren’t enough, they will be more than willing to help you create your own drama through tainted advice and cloudy guidance.  On the other end of the spectrum, wisdom begets wisdom.  Take the time to listen to those whose marriages and lifestyles are successful.
 Who do you allow to influence your marriage?  What kinds of characteristics do your friends/mentors/family members have that have built up trust that they have the best interests of your marriage at heart?
God bless!

~ Harriet

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Family New Years Resolutions

It is that time of year when we all look back on the year we have had and get ready to make our lists of promises to ourselves about how we are going to improve in the New Year. Yes, I am talking about New Year’s Resolutions. We all know the old stand-bys such as losing weight or quitting a bad habit. This year I would like to make a proposal, make your New Year’s Resolutions about bringing your family closer.




I know that at this time with our economy as bad as it is, and many of us face the hardest times that we can remember. It is now, at this time of year that we need to look at all we each have to be thankful for and focus on how to make those connections stronger then ever. What are the reasons you get up each and every day and try to do your best? The answer is the family that you have around you. With a strong family bond in place, it makes even the toughest of times easier to get through. Plus you are teaching your children what is really important in life, and it will encourage them to always strive to not just do their best, but to keep them grounded and focused as they grow. I pray that we have done that with our children, as I am sure that you do.



Now that we have the right focus, our family, it is time to come up with a list of resolutions. I recommend everyone sitting down together to create this list. If everyone has input into the list then everyone is more likely to follow through on the resolutions. Besides, listening to what your kids think on how to bring the family closer may surprise you. For example, we have a 13 year old, a 10 year old and now a 1 week old. While my husband and I always include the kids in what we do (I am not kidding, the only time we have a “date” is if our children already have social engagements with friends), which to many may be obsessive on our part, but that is just the way we have always been and our children actually like it. The point I was trying to make here is that when we asked them what they wanted to see change in the next year it wasn’t that they wanted more or less time with us, they wanted alone time with each of us. So we set up “Dates with Dad” and “Dates with Mom” days.



I would like to tell you that we were great about doing this every other weekend, but we weren’t. We did do it frequently enough though that our children were happy. We also had to get a little creative with what the “dates” entailed, but it could be simply our son going with my husband to run “man errands” such as going to Home Depot or helping my husband put things together. What the kids wanted was our undivided attention for 30 minutes or an hour. It was simple, and they were happy and we were happy. It helps you know your children as people, not just as your kids, and it helps your kids to see that yes you are their parent, but you are a person that they can hang out with and talk to.

Family That Prays Together...Stays Together

The Importance of Family Prayer


Be sure to teach the families to pray all together - father, mother and children. For the family that prays together stays together, and if they stay together they will love one another as Jesus loves each one of them...I will be praying that the Lord will bring peace into the world through the love of fathers for their families...



Mother Teresa







The Christian family is the first place of education in prayer. Based on the sacrament of marriage, the family is the "domestic church" where God's children learn to pray "as the Church" and to persevere in prayer. For young children in particular, daily family prayer is the first witness of the Church's living memory as awakened patiently by the Holy Spirit.


PRAYER OF PARENTS:

God, our Father, I thank you for the gift of

my children and for the privilege and responsibility

of being a parent, for this is my way of holiness.



May I regard each of my children as a sacred pledge

of Your love and a beautiful sign of Your confidence in me.

Help me to pass on to my children our greatest treasures -

faith in Your truths, hope in Your goodness,

love in Your name for all.



I entrust my children to Your loving care.



Banish from our home any bitterness or lack of forgiveness.

Let us have time, deep concern, and a sense of

sacrifice for one another. Teach us never to be ashamed

that we are , in name and in fact, a Catholic family

striving to live in the way of Jesus,

Who is head of our home.



Give us Your Holy Spirit to unite us throughout

this life and let the circle of our family be

unbroken in the Kingdom of Your Son Jesus Christ,

our Lord. Amen.